The Performance Tools Olympic Champions and Navy SEALs Use. Here's How to Teach It to Your Kid Before School Starts.

Before we implemented performance psychology (aka mental mgmt) into the brutally challenging Navy SEAL sniper program, we had a 30% failure rate.

And these were highly trained and motivated Navy SEALs but, 30% were doomed to pack their bags, heads held low, in the walk of shame back to their SEAL Teams.

What happened after?

We started graduating everyone!

Yes, there were exceptions, and the few who couldn’t make the cut, but that was rare.

I had my hair blown back by the results.

After leaving the SEALs and becoming a young father, I realized these techniques can be applied to parenting.

The core principles of any effective mental management program for performance sports (or being a great sniper) are visualization (mental rehearsal), embracing a positive outlook in all situations, self-image management, and using positive verbal cues.

I’d encourage you to start having these conversations with your kids before they go back to school this year.

Here’s a cheat sheet I created for you (but please read my book, Puddle Jumpers for more).

1. VISUALIZATION (Mental Rehearsal)

Have your kid picture success in vivid detail before the moment arrives, including how they’ll handle it if things go sideways. Have them rehearse for these contingencies as well.

Before a big game or recital: have them mentally run through the perfect performance start to finish, then rehearse recovering smoothly from a mistake.

Before a hard conversation (a teacher, a coach, a friend): have them picture themselves speaking clearly and staying composed.

Before the first day at a new school: have them walk through the day in their mind so it feels familiar instead of frightening.

This includes being confronted by bullies. My oldest son was afraid of starting high school because of the bullying stories he was hearing in middle school. Martial arts and these techniques fixed that concern.

2. EMBRACING A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

Teach them to find the useful angle in ANY situation, especially the hard ones. Not fake cheerfulness. A deliberate choice to look for what they can control and learn.

After a loss or bad grade: ask “what did we learn and what do we do differently next time?” instead of dwelling on the outcome.

When plans fall apart: model it yourself out loud. “Okay, this isn’t what we wanted. What’s the opportunity here?”

When they say “I can’t do this”: reframe it to “you can’t do this yet.”

When something goes wrong on a trip or a day out: treat it as an adventure or a story rather than a disaster.

3. SELF-IMAGE MANAGEMENT

Protect the story your kid tells themselves about who they are. Their identity drives their behavior more than any single event.

After a bad day, don’t let it harden into a label. Never let “I failed the test” become “I’m bad at math.”

Praise the identity you want to grow: “you’re the kind of person who doesn’t quit” rather than just “good job.”

Protect it after a rough patch the way champions do. On a bad training day they stopped early to avoid imprinting a negative self-image. Let your kid reset and come back fresh rather than pushing through a spiral. *Parents…don’t reinforce negativity if they are having a bad day…take a break and come back to it.

Surround them with an environment and people that reflect the image you want them to hold of themselves.

4. POSITIVE VERBAL CUES (Becoming Their Own Coach)

Give them the words to replace the negative loop in their head. What they say to themselves becomes their inner voice.

Learning how to manage self-talk is so important.

Swap “I don’t know if I can make this shot” for “it’s like me to make this shot.”

Coach the action, not the fear. Instead of “don’t mess up,” say “take a breath, exhale, and go.”

Give them a personal mantra to reach for under pressure, something short they can repeat.

Watch your own words to them, because your voice becomes their inner voice. What you say on the sideline is what they’ll say to themselves for years.

THE ONE THING TO REMEMBER

These four tools work together. Your kid pictures the win (visualization), chooses the useful angle when it’s hard (positive outlook), protects who they believe they are (self-image), and talks to themselves like a coach instead of a critic (verbal cues). Practiced together, they turn a nervous kid into one who can perform under pressure, in a classroom, on a field, or anywhere life pushes back.

If this helped, please share with another parent you know.

Thx for listening,

Brandon

For a more in-depth look at how I parented kids to happy young adults, check out Puddle Jumpers here.