Someone Left a 1-Star Review of My Book and I Want to Frame It

I have been shot at in two countries (one I can’t talk about). I have finished Hell Week (5 1/2 days with no sleep). I’ve eaten bugs in survival school. Went to the bathroom in a Folgers coffee can in prisoner of war training (after getting beaten and stuffed in a black box).

None of this prepared me for the intellectually challenged and aggressively un-self-aware Renfreds of the literary world.

Renfred found my book on Amazon. Renfred had hard feelings. Renfred typed those feelings with what I can only imagine were very intense fingers, possibly while wearing a bathrobe, definitely while his coffee got cold, absolutely while his family quietly watched TV in the other room, wondering what dad was doing in there.

Renfred left me a 1-star review, dragging down my review score.

And honestly? I want to send Renfred a basket of bullets. Because this man wrote the funniest thing anyone has ever said about me, and I have been in a great mood ever since.

Let us examine Renfred’s work closely.

EXHIBIT A: Amazon CENSORED Renfred’s First Review

Renfred’s opening line.. his thesis statement, his first impression, is that Amazon deleted his PREVIOUS review for containing inappropriate content.

Amazon.

The company that will sell you a flamethrower, a medieval crossbow, and forty-seven different varieties of beef jerky (I hope that’s beef in there!) at 3am with no questions asked.

THAT Amazon looked at Renfred’s review of a parenting book about puddles and said: “No. Not here. Not today. We have standards.”

I want to meet the Amazon moderator who made that call. I want to shake their hand. I want to know what exactly Renfred wrote the FIRST time that made a trillion-dollar corporation tap out.

Whatever it was, Renfred considered it RELEVANT CONTEXT for reviewing a book about raising resilient children.

I have been thinking about this for three weeks and I am no closer to an answer. I sleep fine. But I think about it.

EXHIBIT B: The Puddle Jumping Allegations

Renfred’s core legal argument, and he presents it like a legal argument, with a list, formatted, itemized, like he is entering evidence, is that my book encourages children to “jump in the puddle” regarding, and I am quoting directly:

Sex. Pornography. Gender ideology. Drugs. And screens.

Renfred. Buddy…

The puddle is a metaphor.

For LIFE.

For hard things.

For the mud and the mess and the beautiful chaos of being a kid who is actually allowed to be a kid.

For building the kind of resilience that means your child does not have a complete psychological collapse the first time something doesn’t go their way.

I did not write a parenting manual encouraging your nine-year-old to go feral on the internet. I have three children of my own. Jackson, Madison, and Tyler. They have become functional adult humans.

That is the ENTIRE PREMISE OF THE BOOK RENFRED.

The fact that Renfred read “jump in the puddle” and his brain immediately generated that specific list, in that specific order, is information about Renfred that Renfred may want to sit with quietly for a while, perhaps with a licensed therapist, perhaps over several sessions.

I am not a doctor. I am just a former Navy SEAL writing for my next meal. But even I can see that something is happening there.

EXHIBIT C: The Hillary Clinton African Proverb Situation

Renfred is extremely upset about a proverb I used.

Specifically, “it takes a village,” which he correctly identifies as having been popularized in American political discourse by Hillary Clinton.

Here is what I need Renfred to understand: That proverb is THOUSANDS of years old. It predates Hillary Clinton by roughly the same amount of time that the wheel predates the Tesla.

Oral traditions from across the African continent were discussing communal child-rearing long before any American politician was a glimmer in anyone’s eye.

EXHIBIT D: “Painful Repetition” AND “Awkward Military Jargon”

Now we arrive at the literary criticism portion of Renfred’s review, and this is where I need everyone to pay close attention because Renfred has accused me of two things that are DIRECT OPPOSITES and presented them as a unified complaint.

The writing is terrible AND too military.

Renfred. I need you to pick one. I cannot simultaneously be a bad writer AND sound too much like someone who spent too much time in the Navy.

Those are not the same critique. That is like saying a steak is both overcooked AND too rare. That is like saying someone drives too fast AND too slow.

You know what. I’ll stop. The point is, Renfred is out here doing literary criticism with the internal consistency of schizophrenia, and I respect that, I guess?

EXHIBIT E: The Closing Insult That Accidentally Became a Compliment

Renfred concluded his masterwork with this sentence, delivered with the confidence of a man who has never once doubted himself:

“I’m sure some progressive Moms will like it.”

Renfred.

THOUSANDS of people have now read this book.

Mothers of every political persuasion imaginable. Pediatric therapists. School counselors. A guy in Montana who told me he read it on a hunting trip. A grandmother in Florida. A single dad in Ohio who emailed me at midnight saying it was the first parenting book that gave him hope.

But yes Renfred. Sure. Some progressive moms probably liked it too. Because being a good parent is not a political party.

Children do not care about your voter registration.

Puddles do not have an ideology.

You came here to insult me and accidentally described a book with broad cross-cultural appeal. Thank you, Renfred. I am adding your masterpiece of literary criticism to the back cover of the next edition.

NOW. HERE IS WHERE I NEED YOUR HELP.

Renfred is still out there.

AND there are MORE Renfreds.

They have Wi-Fi and opinions and nothing but time, and they are absolutely not going to stop.

The only thing that stops a Renfred is a real human being who actually read the book, understood that the puddle is a metaphor, and takes forty-five seconds to say so on Amazon.

If this book or my writing ever meant something to you, if it gave you one real conversation with your kid, one moment of clarity at 2am when parenting felt impossible, one laugh, one gut punch, one thing you underlined and came back to, I need you to go to Amazon right now and write that down.

Not for me. My feelings are structurally reinforced.

For the exhausted parent scrolling Amazon at midnight who is one Renfred away from buying a different book entirely. That parent deserves to hear from you more than they deserve to hear from Renfred.

Report Renfred’s review and write a sincere Puddle Jumpers review here.

Go. Now Please. Before Renfred finds the Goodreads page.

What Smart Parents Are Saying about Puddle Jumpers

"Brandon Webb has cracked the code: real resilience isn’t built by pushing kids harder, but by giving them the space and support to trust themselves, discover what lights them up, and grow through challenge. Puddle Jumpers is the practical guide for building the kind of inner confidence that helps kids withstand whatever pressures come their way—from school, from peers, from a culture that tells them they’re never enough." -- Jennifer Breheny Wallace, author of New York Times bestseller Never Enough

“Puddle Jumpers is the rare parenting book that doesn’t preach — it equips." -- Kristina Partsinevelos, CNBC Nasdaq Correspondent & Mom

“Puddle Jumpers is a powerful reminder that resilience is not innate but taught, day by day, in the small moments that shape a life. Brandon Webb brings the precision of an elite operator and the honesty of a devoted father to the hard, necessary work of raising capable, grounded kids in a chaotic world.” -- Elliot Ackerman, New York Times-bestselling author, Marine veteran, recipient of the Silver Star, the Bronze Star for Valor, and the Purple Heart

“Years ago, I told Brandon to write a book about parenting. I wanted to see lessons from such a fantastic parent shared with the world. What he shares here will not only make you a better parent but a better version of yourself.” -- Kamal Ravikant, author, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It

“Part SEAL toughness, part entrepreneurial ingenuity, and all wrapped in fatherly love—Puddle Jumpers offers a fresh approach to parenting. It’s about raising kids who embrace challenges, grow resilient through adversity, and discover the confidence to chart their own path." -- Dr. Chloe Carmichael, PhD, Licensed Clinical Psychologist and USA Today Bestselling Author

"Brandon Webb has a rare gift for turning life’s toughest lessons into wisdom we can all use. His new book isn’t just a story; it’s a masterclass in resilience, leadership, and living with purpose. If you want to learn what it takes to thrive when the stakes are high, this is the book to read." -- Jairek Robbins, Performance Coach & Bestselling Author

5-Star Review on Amazon…

Be the Captain they want to sail with

Reviewed in the United States on May 31, 2026

Verified Purchase

My children are already young adults, but this book proved that it is never too late to learn something new, reflect on your parenting journey, and think about how you can continue showing up for your kids. Brandon combines practical parenting advice, personal stories, and leadership lessons into an engaging and thoughtful read.

The central idea of raising “puddle jumpers” rather than overprotecting children really resonated with me. The book reinforces that our job is not to protect children from the world, but to prepare them for it. It gave me a lot to reflect on, offered several useful strategies, and reminded me that nobody is perfect and growth never stops, for parents or children.

Highly recommended for parents with children at any age along their journey..