Parenting ROI: When Your Kids Become Adult Friends You Actually Want to Vacation With

As I get older, I’ve realized the most significant win of my life didn’t happen in the Navy SEAL Teams or with any business I’ve run. It happened at a dinner table in Lisbon, while swimming in Capri, and on a ski lift in the mountains.

The ultimate win as a parent is when your grown kids turn into people you actually enjoy hanging out with.

Not out of obligation, not because it is a holiday, but because they are genuinely some of the most interesting and hilarious people in your orbit.

But make no mistake…that win is not guaranteed. It is a long-term investment, and the cost of failure is a special kind of hell I’ve witnessed in too many high-performing parents.

A Cautionary Tale

I have seen it happen to people who are absolute legends in their careers. They are the “alphas,” the CEOs, who never missed a deadline or a deployment.

They spent twenty years chasing the next promotion, the next deal, or the next thrill of deployment (in my SEAL days), convinced they were “providing”, “sacrificing.”

They treated their family like something to check in on between the real work.

They were too busy being “important” to actually do the work it takes to be present as a parent. Too preoccupied with their own legacy to realize their kids were growing up in the periphery.

Then, one day, they are in a different kind of panic.

Like my friend in NY who built and owns a $B company. But he wasn’t there for many years and now his kids are off the rails. In and out of rehab and on adult allowance.

It’s sad because, like many parents, he truly loves his kids, but he can’t get back the time he lost and he’s suffering and no amount of money is fixing his problem.

So don’t be surprised when the phone stops ringing.

Or they find a kid who wants nothing to do with them because “Dad” was just a ghost who paid for things.

You can have a bank account that looks like a phone number, but if your kids are strangers, you are broke.

Be a parent, be present.

You can’t just finance it. Well, you can, but you’re going into the red as the kids get older.

When my kids and I are together now, we share a common language of adventure, a work ethic, and being the captains of our own lives.

We have meaningful conversations about politics, industrial design, New York energy, or our plan for the next ski trip and black diamond run.

Why the “Friend” Phase is the Real Reward

People tell you not to be friends with your kids. They’re wrong.

You shouldn’t be their “peer” when they’re five, but if you do the work when they’re young, and if you show up for the toil, and tears, you earn the right to be their friend when they’re adults.

Mutual Respect: They don’t need my permission anymore, but they values my perspective.

When my kids call, it’s not always because they need money (I get those calls too, and that’s ok), it’s because they are sharing what’s happening in their lives.

Don’t get so busy building a kingdom that you forget to enjoy the people you are building it for.

At the end of the road, the medals or the bank statements won’t be the things that warm your soul.

It will be the memory of the quiet talks in a parked truck, and the look of pride in your child’s eyes when they realize you were actually there, truly present, for the hard stuff.

Showing up is the most important job as a parent.

It is the daily work of being the anchor in their storm and the witness to their growth. Do the work now, while the days are long and the years are short, so that one day you can look at the incredible person they’ve become and realize they aren’t just your legacy, they are also a friend for life.

Thanks for listening. -Brandon