How to Build Unshakeable Loyalty with Your Children by Admitting You Are Wrong

(Photo: With my gang in New York during a book media tour for Mastering Fear.)

When I was a Navy SEAL sniper, if you miscalculate the wind or make a bad shot, you don’t stand around (or worse pointing fingers at others) pretending it was out of your control. You own it.

You fix (unf*ck as we’d often say) yourself and you move on.

When it comes to parenting, some parents think they need to maintain the facade of perfection.

They treat their kids like some sort of captive audience in a low-rent theater production of The Parent Who Never Failed.

I’m here to tell you that’s a mistake.

An apology is NOT a sign of weakness.

It’s actually the opposite.

Whether your kid is five or thirty-five, they have a built-in radar for phoniness.

When you blow the lid off the kettle because you didn’t check your emotions at the door it’s ok to own it.

“I’m sorry, I’ve had a really tough day and can do better.”

Saying your sorry makes an impression.

If you don’t apologize, you aren’t being a “strong leader.” You’re just being a loud-mouthed tourist in your own home with a huge ego that needs to check itself before it wrecks itself (nod to the Beastie Boys).

In my book Puddle Jumpers (please consider buying a copy here), I talk about the resilience and the perspective we gain when we look at the world through a different lens.

Being a parent is the ultimate mission. You’re going to step on a few landmines. You’re going to misread the terrain.

This happens to the best of us!

An apology isn’t just a “sorry.” It’s a recalibration.

Allow me demonstrate.

My youngest son broke my guest bathroom sink a few summers ago before he left for college.

I snapped.

That damn guest bathroom, and I had long, troubled past.

If bathroom’s could stalk I’d have filed a police report ages ago.

The bathroom, and my contractor had combo-punched me into a corner before I finally signaled defeat.

I threw in the home owners version of the white towel (more money) to fix it.

And then, finally, I had the bathroom I wanted.

Then when the kids were visiting for the summer I heard laughing and a KAAHBANG! The sink dropped to the tile floor with a thud, like a first round knockout in a Tyson fight.

I came out verbally swinging and found myself face-to-face, looking up (he’s almost 6’ 4”!), at my son Tyler when everything slowed to analog. I yelled and he yelled back.

Stalemate.

My dad and I had a similar encounter right before he threw me out at 16.

I didn’t want the same for my kids.

I pulled Tyler aside and said I was sorry.

I explained my one battle after another bathroom saga to him.

We both laughed it off, and hugged it out. “Love you dude.” “Love you too dad.”

“I’m sorry.”

So powerful and what a relief.

I’m a pattern breaker parent.

Meaning, I’ve always taken the good parts of my childhood parenting experience and replaced the bad bits with what I thought were better.

When you sit your kid down and say, “Hey, I handled that like a total amateur, and you deserved better,” you aren’t losing credibility. You’re gaining it.

You’re showing them that the relationship is more important than your fragile, bloated sense of self-importance.

The cold, hard truth?

Kids don’t need gods. They need parents they can trust.

Silence or not admitting when you’re wrong is a slow-acting poison. It breeds resentment that grows like a mold in a damp basement of parenthood.

The greatest victory isn’t refusing to get off your pedestal.

It’s being man enough to step off it, look them in the eye, and say your sorry.

That is how you build a strong foundation with your kids that is built to last.

That is how you win the long game.

Thx for listening.

-Brandon

P.S. Want to go deeper on this? I’m hosting a FREE 90-minute live workshop on March 14th where I’ll show you how to use visualization and mental management tools to raise resilient, confident, and joyful kids.

It’s called Your Voice Becomes Their Voice. It’s virtual. Free to attend. And we’ll have a replay available if you can’t make it live. Register now.