Disciplining Our Kids

How to Correct Without Pushing Kids Away

Kids need Discipline, but I see so many parents get this wrong.

They punish when they are as emotionally charged as a Trump rally in Manhattan, and they often fail to get to the “why” of the behavior.

Kids end up confused, afraid, withdrawn, or worse.

I almost overpunished my youngest son after a school suspension and risked pushing him away as an early teen. I tell the story in detail in my new book.

Want to put some structure behind your parenting?

We use checklists in the Navy because they save lives and leave nothing to chance. In business school, we created party maps for business negotiations to identify all players and their motives.

This got me thinking…

Why can’t we use these systems to parent?

In my new book, Puddle Jumpers, I share my hybrid parenting checklists to help parents use a system rather than just “winging it”.

How many times have we made emotionally charged decisions, only to instantly regret them?

Now, don’t get me wrong —sometimes showing emotion can imprint “I’m not doing that again!” on a kid's memory, and that's ok, but it shouldn’t be the default mode for discipline.

Real discipline isn’t about fear—it’s about clarity. It’s about showing kids the boundary lines and holding them accountable, without torching their spirit in the process.

When kids know discipline comes from love and consistency, not fear and randomness, they don’t just obey—they grow. And we bring them closer, not push them away. This is especially important in the teen years.

These checklists, along with my experience teaching positive psychology to Navy SEAL sniper students, helped me raise happy and confident young adults.